Western Way Services
Elective Organ Harvesting
A premium program for patients who want to give back — and who, frankly, don't have much say in the matter.
About the Program
Western Way Healthcare's Elective Organ Harvesting program (EOH™) was established in 2019 in response to an internal audit that found significant revenue potential in our existing patient population. We are proud to say that since its launch, EOH™ has been our fastest-growing service line — outpacing cardiology, oncology, and our briefly popular Feelings Department.
The program operates on a simple premise: you have more organs than you're currently using at peak efficiency, and we have buyers. This is not unlike recycling, except the bins are operating theaters and the recycling is you.
All procedures are performed by licensed professionals. Licensing jurisdiction varies. "Elective" is defined, per our Terms of Suffering, as "any procedure the patient has not successfully fled from."
A note on consent: Western Way Healthcare takes consent seriously. Specifically, we take it — usually around the time you sign the intake form. By acknowledging that you have read this page, you have entered into a non-binding expression of interest that may, in certain jurisdictions, become binding upon your third visit to this URL. Please consult your estate attorney.
We understand this program raises questions. That is normal. Questions are a sign of engagement, which is why we have removed the contact form. If you have concerns, we encourage you to sit with them quietly and consider that most organs grow back partially, and that "partially" is a scientific term with a wide range of acceptable values.
Which Organs Are Really Necessary?
Assessment prepared by the Western Way Clinical Advisory Board. Last reviewed: recently enough. Not medical advice (legally).
Appendix
Prime Candidate
The appendix has no confirmed purpose. Medical consensus has spent decades trying to think of one. We have given up on its behalf. Extraction timeline: 2–4 business days after plan enrollment. Eligible for our Refer-a-Friend Rebate if you bring someone whose appendix we can also take.
Gallbladder
Prime Candidate
Stores bile. You will be fine storing resentment instead, which is free and requires no organ. Millions of people live without a gallbladder. We know, because we took theirs. Current market rate: strong. Ask your care coordinator about the Gallbladder Futures Program.
One Kidney
Optional
You were born with two. Nature's redundancy is our opportunity. One kidney filters blood at full capacity when the other is removed — this is called "compensation" and it is inspiring. We find it inspiring. We find it inspiring every time. Bilateral arrangements available for premium plan members only.
Spleen
Optional
Filters old red blood cells and supports immune function. Your body can compensate for its absence, which is really a compliment to you — you're adaptable. We admire that. Spleen removal included at no additional charge with any two-organ package.
Tonsils
Prime Candidate
Technically part of the immune system. Practically, a liability. Everyone who has ever had strep throat has thought, even briefly, that they would be fine without them. We are simply acting on that thought. Covered under all standard plans. Ice cream not included.
Lung (one)
Negotiable
Humans routinely survive with a single lung. Athletes have done it. You are, statistically, not an athlete, which means you have even less use for the second one. We are currently running a single-lung promotion. Inquire within.
Liver
Negotiable
The liver regenerates. This is not a reason to keep all of it. A partial liver can regrow into a full liver, which is frankly impressive and also means we can take a portion and come back later for more. We call this the "Subscription Model." Regeneration timeline not guaranteed. See Terms, Exhibit A.
Heart
Keep (For Now)
We are, at present, not in the heart business. This is not an ethical position so much as a logistical one. We are working on it. Check back after Q3. Waitlist available for early adopters.
Brain
Keep (See Notes)
Legally protected in most U.S. states. Our compliance team is monitoring the regulatory environment. The brain is, however, subject to data licensing agreements under our Cognitive Futures Initiative, currently in pilot. Participation in the pilot is opt-out. The opt-out form is in Suite 7B.
Ready to Contribute?
Enrollment in the Elective Organ Harvesting program is simple, fast, and nearly impossible to reverse. Our care coordinators are standing by to discuss which parts of you would be most valuable to someone else.
Schedule a Consultation →
By clicking this button you acknowledge receipt of this page and consent to a preliminary viability assessment. Western Way Healthcare is not responsible for outcomes. There are no refunds. There is nothing to refund.
